Coordinatorous Americanus - An exotic species

This article is small glimpse into the little known but fascinating lifestyle of a reclusive creature called the "Coordinators" (Species: Coordinatorous Americanus).
The general consensus among experts is that this species is the result of a mutation in certain members of a more well known and diverse species called the Offshorous Informus Laborous. Though Offshorous(OS) and Coordinatorous(CO) by and large share the same characteristics there are some distinct features which make CO very unique and well suited to its habitat.
The mutation itself is a very interesting phenomena and is usually predicated by the acquisition of a rare chromosome called H1-B. Though other chromosomes such as H4 and B1 have also been linked to this mutation but the primary causative factor has been determined to be the H1-B. Earlier evolutionary processes dictated that this mutation was in general linked to the chronological maturity of Offshorous but of late it has been noted that this mutation has become more or less random. Now, lets move on to the life cycle of Coordinatorous:

Coordinatorous usually begins life as a very enthusiastic little critter, eager to please and inch its way up the evolutionary scale. This drive invariably results in territorial disputes between Offshorus and Coordinatorous as Offshorous is usually larger in number and views CO as an anomaly. The hostile and demanding habitat that CO has to deal with adds to the initial traumatic transition period. However, CO usually displays a remarkable resilience and tenacity and gets adjusted to the changing conditions and soon settles into a routine. Experts have speculated that this heightened sense of awareness and tact has something to do with the sustenance that CO derives from its new surroundings. This sustenance is called
Dynamic and Omnipotent Leveraged Longtime Accepted Renumeration (DOLLAR).

The main species is subdivided into two major groups viz Americanus Bachillius and Americanus Copulus. These sub species are easily identified by observing their food habits. Copulus is more or less an organised forager and follows a good dietary regime. Bachillius on the other hand is by and large a scavenger and opportunistic hunter. Bachillius has evolved a unique survival strategy of moving together in groups and ambushing unsuspecting Copuli (Plural of Copulus) into sharing their food. A few Bachillius have also been known to exhibit traits of advanced Copuli and occasionally be self reliant.

A remarkable feature of this species is the ability to seemingly go into a trance like mode without actually sleeping. This feature usually evolves over time due to demands made on the creature by predatory organisms within its habitat. There have been unverified reports by scientists of Coordinatorous that have been slapped awake at odd hours of the night and have then proceeded to seamlessly communicate with Offshorous. Since communication plays a very important role in the life cycle of Coordinatorous many of them have evolved unique methods involving techniques as varied as hand signals to telepathy. Recent experiments suggest that some are able to for see disaster even before it happens. This foresight is based on the same principle that a monkey when shot twice and placed on a hot stove while being simultaneously beaten by steel rods will forever be able to recognise a gun, a stove and a rod anytime in the future.

Another striking feature of this creature is its ability to stick to a routine. It has been known to come out of its burrow in extreme weather, poor health and hazardous conditions in general. This behaviour has been attributed to either the DOLLAR theory (Para 2) but more popularly to the Monkey theorem described above. A common ailment that afflicts this species is called Loanus Immobilus. It affects a few members of the species but the effects are severe ranging from paranoid delusions, agoraphobia to claustrophobia. The rare Copulus sub species where more than one member has the H1 B mutation are relatively less affected by Loanus Immobilus. The Bachillus sub species rarely gets this disease but for the ones that do, the recovery period is usually quicker.

Some conspiracy theorists do point out that this H1 B mutation, followed by the total lack of any social stimulus, mental trauma and strenuous lifestyle points to undercover military torture techniques being employed but such theorists have not been able to substantiate their claims so far. This mutation moreover is only temporary and most Coordinatorous do eventually revert to the Offshorous species. The transformation is not loss less however, physical changes like loss of hair, premature greying and increased subcutaneous fat have often been observed.

All in all, Coordinatorous Americanus is an exotic species but sadly with new regulations coming in place, the survival of this species is being threatened. The author is planning to contact Green peace on this issue provided he is able to garner enough support for the cause.