Time and again I guess every individual with an iota of intelligence must question their belief system, more particularly the belief in an Omnipotent, Omniscient and all pervading force. Atheists are generally regarded as an immoral lot which is far from the truth, they merely question the need for a supreme being where none is needed.
I find it extremely disturbing that an entity that has not been seen, or properly described for thousands of years still is regarded as a possibility. Most people would cite some miracle to prove me wrong but they fail to understand the probabilistic and impersonal environment we live in. Given the myriad of phenomena that can influence an outcome in our everyday life, it is in fact no miracle that something out of the ordinary will happen eventually. However, it also means that most of the time it will not. We just tend to remember the "happy" coincidences and ignore the rest thus further perpetuating this belief in miracles.
In fact, the abode of the almighty is getting smaller and smaller everyday. Ancient societies saw the God in the sky and in the trees and animals that roamed about, they saw God in the stars and in the planets. Now that we know what these are, God has been pushed back to the realms of parapsychology and mysticism and as medical science makes progress God is being displaced here as well.We now know how the Universe began but we are still in the dark about the initial moment of the Bang which means that as far as I am concerned God existed in an infinitesimal space when the Universe was younger than the Planck time.
God is just an euphemism for ignorance, all that we do not understand can broadly be classified as "Godly" and this is very unlike what we are taught to believe. Besides, here is my rationalization for not believing:
Lets assume that God exists then by definition this entity has to be the smartest and most powerful thing that ever existed. Assuming that this entity is responsible for this world around us and for all the minute details, I think he/she would be extremely interested in having a conversation with someone who actually understands the complexity and appreciates it rather than a devout believer who has spent his life just on the belief that everything is sustained by God and has no knowledge about the inner workings of anything. Thus, it would serve us well to be non-believers and try and understand the world as is without involving God in between. This would ensure that we gain an understanding of the world we live in and also that we can carry on a detailed conversation with God on the validity of using Cyclic Bessel functions of the 12Th order in modeling ground wave propagation when the time comes. If he doesn't exist then, well, we still gather the knowledge. Also, this methodology has practically no downside, God is not known to be vengeful so you can deny his/her existence without fear of retribution. Even if you are wrong, God forgives everyone so we are all set.
Logic dictates belief. It takes a lot of courage and self discipline to ask yourself the hard questions. There are no right and wrong answers, just answers.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Weird Analogy
Annual performance review.. brings up different memories for different people depending on the kind of experience that they have had. However, I am not writing about that.. its wayyy toooooo booooooring. I had a weird thought the other day ( ya ya big surprise I know.. hardy har har). Anyways, the analogy goes something like this..
Think of a sugarcane that gets picked up by the Elephant. For a while he is high up in the air, away from his roots and enjoys the brief view of the world from the new vantage point.
Soon however it is thrust down the throat, chewed till it is bone dry and travels further downhill. There it finds itself surrounded by what it thinks are lesser grass, shrubs and root but at this point he is indistinguishable from them. This process of assimilation extracts all that is left from it and reduces it to a leftover collection of unusable material.
Soon, it passes out as you know what. This is not the end however as at this stage it provides the ideal nursing ground for the next generation of vegetation.
In corporate terms, this progression would be.. Engineer > Analyst > Manager > Upper Management... :-)
Think of a sugarcane that gets picked up by the Elephant. For a while he is high up in the air, away from his roots and enjoys the brief view of the world from the new vantage point.
Soon however it is thrust down the throat, chewed till it is bone dry and travels further downhill. There it finds itself surrounded by what it thinks are lesser grass, shrubs and root but at this point he is indistinguishable from them. This process of assimilation extracts all that is left from it and reduces it to a leftover collection of unusable material.
Soon, it passes out as you know what. This is not the end however as at this stage it provides the ideal nursing ground for the next generation of vegetation.
In corporate terms, this progression would be.. Engineer > Analyst > Manager > Upper Management... :-)
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Laws of Office - Newtonian
A) Laws of pro-motion
1) Every employee at rest remains at rest unless acted upon by an external manager.
Rp=P*L
Now productivity can also defined as the rate of change of effort.
Rp = dE/dt *L
Luck basically determines the magnitude of return for a given effort and can be accurately modeled as a stochastic process. The sheer magnitude of the number of factors affecting luck brings into context the application of the Central Limit theorem thus necessitating that Luck follow a Gaussian(
Hence,
L(t) = 1/√2п *е -1/2t2 where L(t) = luck at time t
Thus
Rp = dE * L(t)/dt
= 1/√2п*dE*(-t) е -1/2t2
=(-1)* 1/√2п*dE*(t) е -1/2t2
The overall negative sign and the linear as well as exponential relation to time clearly
shows that the Rate of promotion will decrease over time irrespective of the amount of Effort put in.
3) Every promotion has an equal and opposite reaction.
The reaction here can be quantified as a linear superposition of the rate of loss of hair and rate of increase of hypertension.
B) Laws of Info-dynamics
1) If all developers are in equilibrium with each other then no one is working.
2) Stupidity can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only be transformed from VB to Java.
3) The utility of a program will increase with its inefficiency.
4) At absolute zero, the entropy of a system approaches a constant minimum but a programmer can still code if the deadline is near.
C) Law of Timepass-ation
Two employees of social aptitudes S1 and S2 waste each others time by a factor that is proportional to the product of their social aptitudes and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them.
Thus, Time wasted (Tw) is given by
Tw ∝ S1S2/R2
Tw = βS1S2/R2
Social aptitude is a complex variable and can be expressed as a partial derivative of appearance, presentation and personality. Thus two sociable employees in close proximity can lead to an exponential increase in Tw. My initial hypothesis about the proportionality constant was that this constant (β- Beta) was dependent on the following formula
β = 2пe(1 - G1*G2) where G1 and G2 are gender codes where
G1 = male = 1 and G2 = female = -1
Thus,
β = 2пe2 for a male/female interaction and
β= 2п for a male/male or female/female interaction
However, nowadays I am not sure if this formula holds good in all cases :-).
Thus the final formula is
Tw = 2пe(1 - G1*G2)S1S2/R2
I am currently working on the quantum mechanical and relativist aspects of this interesting branch of science. Will keep you all posted! :-)
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Weird Connections - No Actually!!
I really couldn't think of a better subject line.. it may imply a lot of things but this article is going to be about some of my weird ideas and how I tried implementing them.
1) Fire Automated - One day while watching a program on TV about how Edison invented the light bulb a similar bulb lit up in my head (The actual wattage was and still is highly questionable but I was in the 9th standard so sue me..). I suddenly had this desire of having a way to light a candle in case the light went out. I specifically wanted to light a candle not a bulb as somehow that seemed more .. ahem.. romantic. Oh OK., what the heck.. I just wanted to light a candle cause I wanted to do it. The circuit I built was a simple one, broke a light bulb and took out the tungsten filament, hooked it via a switch to a group of batteries and wrapped the filament around a couple of match heads and placed the match heads close to a candle's wick. Hit the switch and lo and behold the filament glowed red and the match heads ignited.. ha ha.. Fire! Fire!. Its aliiivve. Well not that dramatic but it was quite "cool". Showed it to a couple of friends who couldn't have cared less and hence I took that apart after a few days.
2) Mithunism - Inspired by a scene from the Lords movie ( Don't remember which one it was.. have I sinned.. Oh NO!!) I tried lighting a match by striking the boots I was wearing. Turns out that its not easy. Did some reading and found out why they are called "safety" matches :-(
However, I just had to find a way around it and do something.. and I did. Took the striking part off from a match box, stuck it to a sheet of paper and wrapped that paper tightly around a matchstick. The result was a roll of paper layered with the striker with a match inside it.You just had to pull it out sharply and out it would come bursting in flames. I stuck that to the heel of my boots and headed out. Met a few friends, went for a smoke, pretended to not have a match box and did my thing .. he he.. were they surprised!!
3) The Arnold Alarm - While in engineering, in order to get up in the morning after the usual late night sessions I built a system of alarms. The first set was a set of two alarm clocks connected in parallel. I used to set them 5 minutes apart and once one started ringing it would trigger the others alarm as well. The second system was more innovative. It was a motion sensor.. he he.. OK.. not quite but it was a stripped down alarm clock that I connected to my door. Once somebody pushed on my door, it tripped the alarm and it kept ringing till it was manually rest. Dinesh, my next door neighbour and an early riser was the designated "trigger". He would get up every day morning and begin with a customary "Abbey sam ***** uth ja saale" followed by a swift kick on my door thus setting off the alarm. Oh the happy days!! :-)
4) Engineering Mini project - It was called the Automated Lab Support System.. an ingenious mirco controller based system which can only be conceived by 4 aspiring electronic engineers. The design basically involved about 10% engineering skill, 40% lack of common sense and 50% lack of foresight. This deadly mixture when marinated in vodka overnight led to the final design. I built that entire circuit in my room ( as I was too lazy to walk 500 yards to the lab) and by circuit I mean the entire mirco controller assembly. Soham did a phenomenal job of Mircoprocessor programming and we were able to give a demo of the system. When compared to our original plans, the system we finally built was like starting out with the blue print of the Taj Mahal and finally ending up with the open air toilet of Shashi ( Shashi from Trivandum junction).
Thus it seems that over the years, my ideas have just become crappier, complicated, unrealistic, unmanageable and totally lack lustre. Thankfully I am in IT so no one noticed :-)
1) Fire Automated - One day while watching a program on TV about how Edison invented the light bulb a similar bulb lit up in my head (The actual wattage was and still is highly questionable but I was in the 9th standard so sue me..). I suddenly had this desire of having a way to light a candle in case the light went out. I specifically wanted to light a candle not a bulb as somehow that seemed more .. ahem.. romantic. Oh OK., what the heck.. I just wanted to light a candle cause I wanted to do it. The circuit I built was a simple one, broke a light bulb and took out the tungsten filament, hooked it via a switch to a group of batteries and wrapped the filament around a couple of match heads and placed the match heads close to a candle's wick. Hit the switch and lo and behold the filament glowed red and the match heads ignited.. ha ha.. Fire! Fire!. Its aliiivve. Well not that dramatic but it was quite "cool". Showed it to a couple of friends who couldn't have cared less and hence I took that apart after a few days.
2) Mithunism - Inspired by a scene from the Lords movie ( Don't remember which one it was.. have I sinned.. Oh NO!!) I tried lighting a match by striking the boots I was wearing. Turns out that its not easy. Did some reading and found out why they are called "safety" matches :-(
However, I just had to find a way around it and do something.. and I did. Took the striking part off from a match box, stuck it to a sheet of paper and wrapped that paper tightly around a matchstick. The result was a roll of paper layered with the striker with a match inside it.You just had to pull it out sharply and out it would come bursting in flames. I stuck that to the heel of my boots and headed out. Met a few friends, went for a smoke, pretended to not have a match box and did my thing .. he he.. were they surprised!!
3) The Arnold Alarm - While in engineering, in order to get up in the morning after the usual late night sessions I built a system of alarms. The first set was a set of two alarm clocks connected in parallel. I used to set them 5 minutes apart and once one started ringing it would trigger the others alarm as well. The second system was more innovative. It was a motion sensor.. he he.. OK.. not quite but it was a stripped down alarm clock that I connected to my door. Once somebody pushed on my door, it tripped the alarm and it kept ringing till it was manually rest. Dinesh, my next door neighbour and an early riser was the designated "trigger". He would get up every day morning and begin with a customary "Abbey sam ***** uth ja saale" followed by a swift kick on my door thus setting off the alarm. Oh the happy days!! :-)
4) Engineering Mini project - It was called the Automated Lab Support System.. an ingenious mirco controller based system which can only be conceived by 4 aspiring electronic engineers. The design basically involved about 10% engineering skill, 40% lack of common sense and 50% lack of foresight. This deadly mixture when marinated in vodka overnight led to the final design. I built that entire circuit in my room ( as I was too lazy to walk 500 yards to the lab) and by circuit I mean the entire mirco controller assembly. Soham did a phenomenal job of Mircoprocessor programming and we were able to give a demo of the system. When compared to our original plans, the system we finally built was like starting out with the blue print of the Taj Mahal and finally ending up with the open air toilet of Shashi ( Shashi from Trivandum junction).
Thus it seems that over the years, my ideas have just become crappier, complicated, unrealistic, unmanageable and totally lack lustre. Thankfully I am in IT so no one noticed :-)
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Darwinian Complexity
I find the concept of evolution to be very fascinating and am completely enthralled by its finer aspects and I had assumed this was the common sentiment across humanity. Turns out that I was WRONG. Amazingly, there are still people who would choose to ignore all evidence and regard Darwinism as a "theory".. just a theory. I know that there are a million pseudo scientific texts and videos out there which try to show how Darwin was a nitwit and how utterly ridiculous it is that we, the great , omnipotent and omniscient humans could have anything to do with primates.. Good heavens!! The FACT that we have been able to map the human genome and prove that we indeed share genetic similarities with the great apes is just another trivial scientific trivia akin to we needing oxygen for survival and can be safely regarded as inconsequential and irrelevant.
Anyways, religious and moronic ideologies aside I do understand the reason why Darwin's theory so upsets many people and I shall try to draw some analogies between Darwinism and a ridiculous sorting algorithm. As usual, this analogy like myself.. will be perfect. ;-)
Now, the single most disturbing thing about Darwin's theory of evolution is that it points to a total lack of purpose to life. It is easy to see why this can be so disconcerting. If life is result of random mutations then it seems meaningless and without purpose and that's not what we would like to believe. The other major flaw that non believers point out is that some features that organisms posses is just too complicated to have evolved by chance. A common example that is pointed out is the one where if you find a rock on the ground then you will have no problems in believing that it is just a piece of rock brought about by random processes of compression and erosion. If however you now find a Swiss watch in the same place then would you assume that it was a naturally occurring phenomena? The point here being that the Swiss watch is so complicated that it points to a definite design and hence a designer.
As far as complexity goes, the non believers grossly underestimate the awesome power of randomness. Nature is infinitely more complicated than we can imagine and what looks like design is just a result of millions of years of selective breeding. The rules for selecting a specific mutation need not be complex at all but over time the complexity can build up and lead to fascinating results. The best example to see this is to see a demonstration of Mathematica and Dr. Wolframs cellular automaton . It goes on to show how a complex structure can be derived starting from a simple building block and by using a simple set of rules. The best part is that this process is not algorithmically compressible so there is no way to hasten the process. You get what you see and you see it only when you get it!! Also, its is not only nature that can induce complexity. For instance, Bulldogs were being selectively bred for their large head sizes and now we are at a point where they cannot be conceived naturally because of the excessive head sizes. Thus, Bulldogs now have become dependent on us for the survival of their species and this kind of dependency is a result of evolution and the biggest proof that the "designer" can be bypassed.
Coming to the question of purpose. That's a tough one from a philosophical standpoint but I can find some similarities between this question and a little known sorting algorithm called Bogosort. (Introduced to me by Adarsha or "Mircosoft Maga" as he is popularly known as)
Now Bogosort sounds ridiculous because it relies on a random reshuffling of a list hoping that the restructured list "just happens" to be the sorted one. If the list is finite then the number of iterations will remain bounded and thus there is a finite probability of getting to a sorted list. This is not practical however because there is no way of determining how long the sort will take. Moreover, with a pseudo random generator the sorted list may never result because the long term cyclic behaviour of such a generator prevents it from being truly random. Thus though this is a valid sorting algorithm, its randomness will make it seem purposeless UNTIL it actually results in the sorted list. Evolution is much the same, it is random and hence seems to be without a purpose but it is not so. It has an agenda and that agenda is the betterment of the species as a whole.
We can only hope that nature employs a true random event generator thus ensuring that there is a finite probability of reaching a conclusion i.e a ecosystem where everything is in harmony with everything else. If not then we are screwed as that would imply a long term cyclic behaviour. Going by history, Earth was ruled by reptiles and then somehow the mammals became dominant. So, if this is a cycle.. oh no.. sorry guys gotta go and apologize to the lizard who may have seen the underside of my chappals a bit too close for its liking..
Anyways, religious and moronic ideologies aside I do understand the reason why Darwin's theory so upsets many people and I shall try to draw some analogies between Darwinism and a ridiculous sorting algorithm. As usual, this analogy like myself.. will be perfect. ;-)
Now, the single most disturbing thing about Darwin's theory of evolution is that it points to a total lack of purpose to life. It is easy to see why this can be so disconcerting. If life is result of random mutations then it seems meaningless and without purpose and that's not what we would like to believe. The other major flaw that non believers point out is that some features that organisms posses is just too complicated to have evolved by chance. A common example that is pointed out is the one where if you find a rock on the ground then you will have no problems in believing that it is just a piece of rock brought about by random processes of compression and erosion. If however you now find a Swiss watch in the same place then would you assume that it was a naturally occurring phenomena? The point here being that the Swiss watch is so complicated that it points to a definite design and hence a designer.
As far as complexity goes, the non believers grossly underestimate the awesome power of randomness. Nature is infinitely more complicated than we can imagine and what looks like design is just a result of millions of years of selective breeding. The rules for selecting a specific mutation need not be complex at all but over time the complexity can build up and lead to fascinating results. The best example to see this is to see a demonstration of Mathematica and Dr. Wolframs cellular automaton . It goes on to show how a complex structure can be derived starting from a simple building block and by using a simple set of rules. The best part is that this process is not algorithmically compressible so there is no way to hasten the process. You get what you see and you see it only when you get it!! Also, its is not only nature that can induce complexity. For instance, Bulldogs were being selectively bred for their large head sizes and now we are at a point where they cannot be conceived naturally because of the excessive head sizes. Thus, Bulldogs now have become dependent on us for the survival of their species and this kind of dependency is a result of evolution and the biggest proof that the "designer" can be bypassed.
Coming to the question of purpose. That's a tough one from a philosophical standpoint but I can find some similarities between this question and a little known sorting algorithm called Bogosort. (Introduced to me by Adarsha or "Mircosoft Maga" as he is popularly known as)
Now Bogosort sounds ridiculous because it relies on a random reshuffling of a list hoping that the restructured list "just happens" to be the sorted one. If the list is finite then the number of iterations will remain bounded and thus there is a finite probability of getting to a sorted list. This is not practical however because there is no way of determining how long the sort will take. Moreover, with a pseudo random generator the sorted list may never result because the long term cyclic behaviour of such a generator prevents it from being truly random. Thus though this is a valid sorting algorithm, its randomness will make it seem purposeless UNTIL it actually results in the sorted list. Evolution is much the same, it is random and hence seems to be without a purpose but it is not so. It has an agenda and that agenda is the betterment of the species as a whole.
We can only hope that nature employs a true random event generator thus ensuring that there is a finite probability of reaching a conclusion i.e a ecosystem where everything is in harmony with everything else. If not then we are screwed as that would imply a long term cyclic behaviour. Going by history, Earth was ruled by reptiles and then somehow the mammals became dominant. So, if this is a cycle.. oh no.. sorry guys gotta go and apologize to the lizard who may have seen the underside of my chappals a bit too close for its liking..
Monday, June 8, 2009
Coordinatorous Americanus - An exotic species
This article is small glimpse into the little known but fascinating lifestyle of a reclusive creature called the "Coordinators" (Species: Coordinatorous Americanus).
The general consensus among experts is that this species is the result of a mutation in certain members of a more well known and diverse species called the Offshorous Informus Laborous. Though Offshorous(OS) and Coordinatorous(CO) by and large share the same characteristics there are some distinct features which make CO very unique and well suited to its habitat.
The mutation itself is a very interesting phenomena and is usually predicated by the acquisition of a rare chromosome called H1-B. Though other chromosomes such as H4 and B1 have also been linked to this mutation but the primary causative factor has been determined to be the H1-B. Earlier evolutionary processes dictated that this mutation was in general linked to the chronological maturity of Offshorous but of late it has been noted that this mutation has become more or less random. Now, lets move on to the life cycle of Coordinatorous:
Coordinatorous usually begins life as a very enthusiastic little critter, eager to please and inch its way up the evolutionary scale. This drive invariably results in territorial disputes between Offshorus and Coordinatorous as Offshorous is usually larger in number and views CO as an anomaly. The hostile and demanding habitat that CO has to deal with adds to the initial traumatic transition period. However, CO usually displays a remarkable resilience and tenacity and gets adjusted to the changing conditions and soon settles into a routine. Experts have speculated that this heightened sense of awareness and tact has something to do with the sustenance that CO derives from its new surroundings. This sustenance is called
Dynamic and Omnipotent Leveraged Longtime Accepted Renumeration (DOLLAR).
The main species is subdivided into two major groups viz Americanus Bachillius and Americanus Copulus. These sub species are easily identified by observing their food habits. Copulus is more or less an organised forager and follows a good dietary regime. Bachillius on the other hand is by and large a scavenger and opportunistic hunter. Bachillius has evolved a unique survival strategy of moving together in groups and ambushing unsuspecting Copuli (Plural of Copulus) into sharing their food. A few Bachillius have also been known to exhibit traits of advanced Copuli and occasionally be self reliant.
A remarkable feature of this species is the ability to seemingly go into a trance like mode without actually sleeping. This feature usually evolves over time due to demands made on the creature by predatory organisms within its habitat. There have been unverified reports by scientists of Coordinatorous that have been slapped awake at odd hours of the night and have then proceeded to seamlessly communicate with Offshorous. Since communication plays a very important role in the life cycle of Coordinatorous many of them have evolved unique methods involving techniques as varied as hand signals to telepathy. Recent experiments suggest that some are able to for see disaster even before it happens. This foresight is based on the same principle that a monkey when shot twice and placed on a hot stove while being simultaneously beaten by steel rods will forever be able to recognise a gun, a stove and a rod anytime in the future.
Another striking feature of this creature is its ability to stick to a routine. It has been known to come out of its burrow in extreme weather, poor health and hazardous conditions in general. This behaviour has been attributed to either the DOLLAR theory (Para 2) but more popularly to the Monkey theorem described above. A common ailment that afflicts this species is called Loanus Immobilus. It affects a few members of the species but the effects are severe ranging from paranoid delusions, agoraphobia to claustrophobia. The rare Copulus sub species where more than one member has the H1 B mutation are relatively less affected by Loanus Immobilus. The Bachillus sub species rarely gets this disease but for the ones that do, the recovery period is usually quicker.
Some conspiracy theorists do point out that this H1 B mutation, followed by the total lack of any social stimulus, mental trauma and strenuous lifestyle points to undercover military torture techniques being employed but such theorists have not been able to substantiate their claims so far. This mutation moreover is only temporary and most Coordinatorous do eventually revert to the Offshorous species. The transformation is not loss less however, physical changes like loss of hair, premature greying and increased subcutaneous fat have often been observed.
All in all, Coordinatorous Americanus is an exotic species but sadly with new regulations coming in place, the survival of this species is being threatened. The author is planning to contact Green peace on this issue provided he is able to garner enough support for the cause.
The general consensus among experts is that this species is the result of a mutation in certain members of a more well known and diverse species called the Offshorous Informus Laborous. Though Offshorous(OS) and Coordinatorous(CO) by and large share the same characteristics there are some distinct features which make CO very unique and well suited to its habitat.
The mutation itself is a very interesting phenomena and is usually predicated by the acquisition of a rare chromosome called H1-B. Though other chromosomes such as H4 and B1 have also been linked to this mutation but the primary causative factor has been determined to be the H1-B. Earlier evolutionary processes dictated that this mutation was in general linked to the chronological maturity of Offshorous but of late it has been noted that this mutation has become more or less random. Now, lets move on to the life cycle of Coordinatorous:
Coordinatorous usually begins life as a very enthusiastic little critter, eager to please and inch its way up the evolutionary scale. This drive invariably results in territorial disputes between Offshorus and Coordinatorous as Offshorous is usually larger in number and views CO as an anomaly. The hostile and demanding habitat that CO has to deal with adds to the initial traumatic transition period. However, CO usually displays a remarkable resilience and tenacity and gets adjusted to the changing conditions and soon settles into a routine. Experts have speculated that this heightened sense of awareness and tact has something to do with the sustenance that CO derives from its new surroundings. This sustenance is called
Dynamic and Omnipotent Leveraged Longtime Accepted Renumeration (DOLLAR).
The main species is subdivided into two major groups viz Americanus Bachillius and Americanus Copulus. These sub species are easily identified by observing their food habits. Copulus is more or less an organised forager and follows a good dietary regime. Bachillius on the other hand is by and large a scavenger and opportunistic hunter. Bachillius has evolved a unique survival strategy of moving together in groups and ambushing unsuspecting Copuli (Plural of Copulus) into sharing their food. A few Bachillius have also been known to exhibit traits of advanced Copuli and occasionally be self reliant.
A remarkable feature of this species is the ability to seemingly go into a trance like mode without actually sleeping. This feature usually evolves over time due to demands made on the creature by predatory organisms within its habitat. There have been unverified reports by scientists of Coordinatorous that have been slapped awake at odd hours of the night and have then proceeded to seamlessly communicate with Offshorous. Since communication plays a very important role in the life cycle of Coordinatorous many of them have evolved unique methods involving techniques as varied as hand signals to telepathy. Recent experiments suggest that some are able to for see disaster even before it happens. This foresight is based on the same principle that a monkey when shot twice and placed on a hot stove while being simultaneously beaten by steel rods will forever be able to recognise a gun, a stove and a rod anytime in the future.
Another striking feature of this creature is its ability to stick to a routine. It has been known to come out of its burrow in extreme weather, poor health and hazardous conditions in general. This behaviour has been attributed to either the DOLLAR theory (Para 2) but more popularly to the Monkey theorem described above. A common ailment that afflicts this species is called Loanus Immobilus. It affects a few members of the species but the effects are severe ranging from paranoid delusions, agoraphobia to claustrophobia. The rare Copulus sub species where more than one member has the H1 B mutation are relatively less affected by Loanus Immobilus. The Bachillus sub species rarely gets this disease but for the ones that do, the recovery period is usually quicker.
Some conspiracy theorists do point out that this H1 B mutation, followed by the total lack of any social stimulus, mental trauma and strenuous lifestyle points to undercover military torture techniques being employed but such theorists have not been able to substantiate their claims so far. This mutation moreover is only temporary and most Coordinatorous do eventually revert to the Offshorous species. The transformation is not loss less however, physical changes like loss of hair, premature greying and increased subcutaneous fat have often been observed.
All in all, Coordinatorous Americanus is an exotic species but sadly with new regulations coming in place, the survival of this species is being threatened. The author is planning to contact Green peace on this issue provided he is able to garner enough support for the cause.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Why Star Trek rocks!
The mere mention of the fact that you are a big fan of Star Trek is liable to catapult you into the classification of the uber geek. I like Star Trek too but I would like to think that I am not the typical geek so I decided to explore why Star Trek appeals to me and maybe some of you will identify with these reasons.
Start Trek is a path breaker in many ways. It is based in a world that is dominated by just the exploration of curiosity. A world where everyone is free to choose what to do. It shows us humans in perhaps our best light as it hints at a civilization where religion and racist cliches have been done away with. The guy driving Captains Kirks Enterprise was Chinese, Lt Uhura was black, Spock was a Vulcan, Data an Android and Troy a Betazoid and yet they blend into the plot and complement each other.
It can be argued that the necessity of survival is perhaps the topmost instinct that we harbor. Hunger is closely linked to it. Even Lord Krishna in the Geeta says that an empty stomach cannot contemplate the divine. In Star Trek we have the Replicator which can magically synthesise what ever we wish for. This seemingly trivial device by itself has the potential to re write human history. Imagine a world without hunger and maybe even money. Wouldn't it be a marvelous place to live in?
The "Prime Directive" which all Star Trek Captains hold so close to their hearts. This directive forbids the Federation from interfering in the development of other worlds no matter what the situation at hand may be. I view this directive not as one of non involvement but one of tolerance. The world is in the state we see it now because all these moronic religious freaks: Muslims, Christians and Hindus alike are trying to prove that their faith is the only valid one. I wish all of them would just drop dead RIGHT NOW. Hmm.. I still see a few people around so guess that wish didn't work. What I am getting at is that if every existing religion on this planet started following the Prime Directive and absolutely stopped trying to convince others that they are the only one following the true God then "maybe" we will see an end to all the religious conflicts that afflict us now.
The Warp drive. With the world feeling the brunt of the greenhouse effect nowadays, being "green" is not a fad but a necessity. Our reliance on carbon based fuels is leading us down the one way lane of global warming, pollution and non sustainability - all at the same time. Star Trek with its Warp drive technology ( presumably based on matter/anti-matter interaction) has the potential to solve this issue once and for all. It represents more than a geeks fancy of tearing through the fabric of the space-time continuum, it represents the hope that mankind is too versatile to be doomed to be dependent on lifeforms that existed several million years ago.
The scientific spirit is so dominant in every aspect of Star Trek that is inescapable. One thing that strikes a chord with me is the way the character "Q" is treated. Now "Q" has powers which by all accounts we would tend to attribute to a divine deity but the crew of Star Trek stands defiant. They refuse to be subjugated by "Q". I view Q as just the manifestation of our ignorance and all things we do not understand. Star Trek teaches us that even in spite of overwhelming odds we should not bow down and acknowledge the easiest solution : GOD. God may or may not exist but the moment this is invoked it is a showstopper bringing an end to any logic or scientific enquiry
The other devices on board like the Holodeck and the transporter spark the imagination of everyone from movie lovers to those bitten by the travel bug alike. However, one of the most important reasons why Star Trek ranks high is because of the depiction of women. Counsellor Deanna Troi for example holds an equal status as any other high ranking officer and is much a member of the team as anyone else. Her calm and composed nature under the worst of circumstances is a testimony to how much patience and understanding women have. She holds a special place in my heart for these qualities.. Okay Okay I lied.. she is HOT.. there you have it. Are you happy now?
Start Trek is a path breaker in many ways. It is based in a world that is dominated by just the exploration of curiosity. A world where everyone is free to choose what to do. It shows us humans in perhaps our best light as it hints at a civilization where religion and racist cliches have been done away with. The guy driving Captains Kirks Enterprise was Chinese, Lt Uhura was black, Spock was a Vulcan, Data an Android and Troy a Betazoid and yet they blend into the plot and complement each other.
It can be argued that the necessity of survival is perhaps the topmost instinct that we harbor. Hunger is closely linked to it. Even Lord Krishna in the Geeta says that an empty stomach cannot contemplate the divine. In Star Trek we have the Replicator which can magically synthesise what ever we wish for. This seemingly trivial device by itself has the potential to re write human history. Imagine a world without hunger and maybe even money. Wouldn't it be a marvelous place to live in?
The "Prime Directive" which all Star Trek Captains hold so close to their hearts. This directive forbids the Federation from interfering in the development of other worlds no matter what the situation at hand may be. I view this directive not as one of non involvement but one of tolerance. The world is in the state we see it now because all these moronic religious freaks: Muslims, Christians and Hindus alike are trying to prove that their faith is the only valid one. I wish all of them would just drop dead RIGHT NOW. Hmm.. I still see a few people around so guess that wish didn't work. What I am getting at is that if every existing religion on this planet started following the Prime Directive and absolutely stopped trying to convince others that they are the only one following the true God then "maybe" we will see an end to all the religious conflicts that afflict us now.
The Warp drive. With the world feeling the brunt of the greenhouse effect nowadays, being "green" is not a fad but a necessity. Our reliance on carbon based fuels is leading us down the one way lane of global warming, pollution and non sustainability - all at the same time. Star Trek with its Warp drive technology ( presumably based on matter/anti-matter interaction) has the potential to solve this issue once and for all. It represents more than a geeks fancy of tearing through the fabric of the space-time continuum, it represents the hope that mankind is too versatile to be doomed to be dependent on lifeforms that existed several million years ago.
The scientific spirit is so dominant in every aspect of Star Trek that is inescapable. One thing that strikes a chord with me is the way the character "Q" is treated. Now "Q" has powers which by all accounts we would tend to attribute to a divine deity but the crew of Star Trek stands defiant. They refuse to be subjugated by "Q". I view Q as just the manifestation of our ignorance and all things we do not understand. Star Trek teaches us that even in spite of overwhelming odds we should not bow down and acknowledge the easiest solution : GOD. God may or may not exist but the moment this is invoked it is a showstopper bringing an end to any logic or scientific enquiry
The other devices on board like the Holodeck and the transporter spark the imagination of everyone from movie lovers to those bitten by the travel bug alike. However, one of the most important reasons why Star Trek ranks high is because of the depiction of women. Counsellor Deanna Troi for example holds an equal status as any other high ranking officer and is much a member of the team as anyone else. Her calm and composed nature under the worst of circumstances is a testimony to how much patience and understanding women have. She holds a special place in my heart for these qualities.. Okay Okay I lied.. she is HOT.. there you have it. Are you happy now?
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Life - The stochastic model
I have often wondered about the meaning of life and the existential questions. I have always drawn a blank. Big surprise eh? For some reason, I just cannot come to terms with the notion that life just "is" and there is no logical reason or higher purpose behind it. If everything in nature stemmed from a few basics laws then it ought to be possible to bring about some semblance of order in the nature of things. I fully understand the problem of algorithmic compressibility and I am not looking for a way to figure out the future. I have always loved mathematics and all my initial attempts at understanding the universe were inherently mathematical.
I pondered over the fact that cause and effect are interrelated and a finite number of causes should always lead to a finite number of effects. Thus, if it is possible to limit the set of inputs, the output set should also be bounded. Under this hypothesis, if I could narrow down the number of factors that can effect a situation I could hypothetically have a very good chance of finding the outcome. Seemed simple enough but turns out that nature is far more complicated. This hypothesis kept me busy for a while and I attributed my failures to the fact that I was not accounting for all the variables.
Enter Chaos theory. It gave me nightmares. It went completely against my understanding of mathematics but here it was. I coded a computer program on one of the equations and nearly wrecked my machine but it was there and it was undeniable. It just stated that a given input can result in a wide range of outputs which seemed essentially random in nature. My initial hypothesis went out the window. Closely associated with Chaos was the concept of fractals and that puzzled me for a while. My initial consternation gave way to curiosity and I started to feel that a deeper understanding was needed to get to what Chaos was all about. It soon began to seem that Chaotic equations did settle down into a "pattern" after a while and though they do not stabilise, they do remain bounded. There was still hope. If the universe is based on Chaos then it has had enough time to settle into a pattern and we should be able to figure out the bounds.
Then came probability and gate crashed my concepts. The mathematical probability struck me as wondrous. It seemed to say that you can try doing something once and it may work, try twice and it may work but try it a zillion times and you will fail "x" percentage of the time. It was a surprising result but it was true because it is verifiable. Could life indeed be a stochastic process? Modern science does treat it as so and so you will see percentages like children in Somalia have 70% chance of survival etc etc. Statistics such as this are a clear indication that there is a probability lurking around the corner. Probability of survival, probability of success... what else? It seems we are on the verge of a scientific and philosophical breakthrough. A point in our history where we realize that there are just too many decisions to be made and each decision has a certain probability of success. The number of choices we see before us are in turn a result of the choices made earlier. So that's cause and effect. After all this, even in spite of good decisions and sound judgement it is still possible to screw up courtesy Chaos.
Which now makes me wonder about the probability of probability describing life... Hmmm... maybe another day.
I pondered over the fact that cause and effect are interrelated and a finite number of causes should always lead to a finite number of effects. Thus, if it is possible to limit the set of inputs, the output set should also be bounded. Under this hypothesis, if I could narrow down the number of factors that can effect a situation I could hypothetically have a very good chance of finding the outcome. Seemed simple enough but turns out that nature is far more complicated. This hypothesis kept me busy for a while and I attributed my failures to the fact that I was not accounting for all the variables.
Enter Chaos theory. It gave me nightmares. It went completely against my understanding of mathematics but here it was. I coded a computer program on one of the equations and nearly wrecked my machine but it was there and it was undeniable. It just stated that a given input can result in a wide range of outputs which seemed essentially random in nature. My initial hypothesis went out the window. Closely associated with Chaos was the concept of fractals and that puzzled me for a while. My initial consternation gave way to curiosity and I started to feel that a deeper understanding was needed to get to what Chaos was all about. It soon began to seem that Chaotic equations did settle down into a "pattern" after a while and though they do not stabilise, they do remain bounded. There was still hope. If the universe is based on Chaos then it has had enough time to settle into a pattern and we should be able to figure out the bounds.
Then came probability and gate crashed my concepts. The mathematical probability struck me as wondrous. It seemed to say that you can try doing something once and it may work, try twice and it may work but try it a zillion times and you will fail "x" percentage of the time. It was a surprising result but it was true because it is verifiable. Could life indeed be a stochastic process? Modern science does treat it as so and so you will see percentages like children in Somalia have 70% chance of survival etc etc. Statistics such as this are a clear indication that there is a probability lurking around the corner. Probability of survival, probability of success... what else? It seems we are on the verge of a scientific and philosophical breakthrough. A point in our history where we realize that there are just too many decisions to be made and each decision has a certain probability of success. The number of choices we see before us are in turn a result of the choices made earlier. So that's cause and effect. After all this, even in spite of good decisions and sound judgement it is still possible to screw up courtesy Chaos.
Which now makes me wonder about the probability of probability describing life... Hmmm... maybe another day.
Shaddi ka Photographer
Of late I have earned the distinction of being a "Shaddi ka Photographer" due to my habit of dragging my camera along for seemingly trivial occasions. It is time I justify the habit.
I have never been a very emotional person ( at least externally), I do get pretty riled up sometimes but over the years I have learnt to hold back my emotions as I have learnt that shortcircuting my brain is not a viable option. Flashback!! My last day in school was the day when almost all the girls and some of the effeminate guys were in tears. I felt no such all encompassing pain for some reason and was rather bemused by people getting their shirts filled with signatures and crying like the Titanic just sank.. hilarious. There were many people who had brought cameras and were taking photographs, I was the least interested and spent most of the time actually taking the snaps rather than trying to be in them. It has been 12 years since that time has passed and I can safely say that I am still in contact with most of my classmates as compared to the camera wielding friends. However, when I look at the pictures that were taken then and find everyone else there but not me it somehow bothers me.. it is as if history has somehow forgotten my existence.
I have spent many a wonderful time with my family in fairy tale like settings in Arunachal, Sohra and other off the map locations. These were places that were hard to reach but once there it was hard to complain about the nerve wrecking journey. I have seen crystal clear rivers, enchanting wildlife, majestic mountains and all at an arms length away. The images are etched in my heart but I have no photograph to share. Is it selfish to hide away such a wondrous part of planet Earth in my mind? I have no option, my literary abilities cannot do justice to the imagery in my mind.
Now I am young and my mind vivid. I can feel the past and sense the passion that I had felt even a long time ago but I know it will not last. How will I savor the past a few years down the line? How will I tell people about the things I have seen, the people I have met when I have nothing but words. In todays modern world, visual imagery is everything, a picture speaks a thousand words. A photo of a small gathering of friends, a video of a thing as stupid as watching the clock set back an hour when DST is applied, a colleagues birthday... all insignificant by themselves but they are an undeniable part of my life and I choose to honor every moment. So yes, I am a "Shaddi ka Photographer" and I carry my camera around. I am not a photographer, I dont know the angles and the light and shadow effects.. I know the people, I know the place, I know myself and I know that every photo I take is a slice of time that I save for posterity.
I have never been a very emotional person ( at least externally), I do get pretty riled up sometimes but over the years I have learnt to hold back my emotions as I have learnt that shortcircuting my brain is not a viable option. Flashback!! My last day in school was the day when almost all the girls and some of the effeminate guys were in tears. I felt no such all encompassing pain for some reason and was rather bemused by people getting their shirts filled with signatures and crying like the Titanic just sank.. hilarious. There were many people who had brought cameras and were taking photographs, I was the least interested and spent most of the time actually taking the snaps rather than trying to be in them. It has been 12 years since that time has passed and I can safely say that I am still in contact with most of my classmates as compared to the camera wielding friends. However, when I look at the pictures that were taken then and find everyone else there but not me it somehow bothers me.. it is as if history has somehow forgotten my existence.
I have spent many a wonderful time with my family in fairy tale like settings in Arunachal, Sohra and other off the map locations. These were places that were hard to reach but once there it was hard to complain about the nerve wrecking journey. I have seen crystal clear rivers, enchanting wildlife, majestic mountains and all at an arms length away. The images are etched in my heart but I have no photograph to share. Is it selfish to hide away such a wondrous part of planet Earth in my mind? I have no option, my literary abilities cannot do justice to the imagery in my mind.
Now I am young and my mind vivid. I can feel the past and sense the passion that I had felt even a long time ago but I know it will not last. How will I savor the past a few years down the line? How will I tell people about the things I have seen, the people I have met when I have nothing but words. In todays modern world, visual imagery is everything, a picture speaks a thousand words. A photo of a small gathering of friends, a video of a thing as stupid as watching the clock set back an hour when DST is applied, a colleagues birthday... all insignificant by themselves but they are an undeniable part of my life and I choose to honor every moment. So yes, I am a "Shaddi ka Photographer" and I carry my camera around. I am not a photographer, I dont know the angles and the light and shadow effects.. I know the people, I know the place, I know myself and I know that every photo I take is a slice of time that I save for posterity.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Once upon a long time ago in Arunachal...
Its raining outside and the weather is what most people would describe as gloomy and correctly so. I however have been born and brought up in Shillong where gloomy days are the norm. Let me assure that once you have spent 16 years of your life waking up to a dull day and then mustering the courage to get to school/college, you are set for life. I digress. What this day reminds me of is my trips to Arunachal where my dad was on a "punishment" transfer for not having stooped to the general level of lowlifes as exist in India's government institutions.
He had to stay in Arunachal while we were in Shillong and it was not an ideal scenario. The bright spot in all of this however was that we had our winter vacations in Arunachal. The first few days there were mind numbing for us city folks.. no TV, a small town with absolutely nothing worth talking about, dumb people all around speaking a language we did not understand. That was not a great start to any vacation but we soon settled into a routine. My routine being the following.. wake up, mild exercise , break fast, swinging from rope to pole (yes, I tied a rope to a pole so sue me), lunch, sleep, read a few old comics, play cards, dinner and sleep. Don't get me wrong, I loved to laze around like that but what I hated most was the lack of ANY intellectual stimulation.
My dad had become friends with a few town folks and we decided to go on a picnic once. Its then that I realized that entire Arunachal is just a BIG, BIG picnic spot. You can drive you car through the trees and through dried up river beds and within a couple of hours you will be away from any sign of civilization. The only sounds being the steady rhythm of a sparkling river broken occasionally by the chirping of a bird. The rivers, with water so clear that you could drink it straight without any apprehension, seemed straight out of a poets dream. It was just awesome but the best part was the feeling that this was just the tip of the iceberg... that feeling was justified when we went to a place called Diban.
Diban, a place which was pretty far off from our place and we had to travel via car for quite some time to get there. The motivation for the trip was the trip itself and that beats any other motivation any day. The roads ( where they existed) were horrible and in most places we were just driving around rocky river beds, sand dunes, forests and what not. My family is pretty travel hardened so we endured pretty well and surprisingly even our dog who was the unfortunate passenger in a Maruti Gypsy's rearmost interior remained intact. Then came a bridge which seemed to have been constructed out of twigs.. yes twigs not logs. That's not all, entire sections were missing and there was a raging river some 1000 feet beneath. Hold on.. and there was an over turned truck right down there which looked like it had fallen off the bridge a couple of hours ago AND to top it all there was a sign "CROSS AT YOUR OWN RISK". That bridge was our only way and as the car edged along I remember just looking ahead. No one spoke a word. The car hobbled along. If God was impressed by prayers we would have got the Nobel prize for praying that day. We got off that bridge in one piece.
The next hurdle was a mountain road, just wide enough for a car, no crash barriers and a 1500 feet drop. Unfortunately, that was not the scary part. The scary part was the fact that there was a freaking waterfall gushing straight over the road and it looked powerful enough to jolt the car right down the precipice. Our driver ( who I regard as the only guy on the planet who can give Vin Diesel a run for his money) put the gypsy in the 4 wheel drive mode, asked us to get down and crawl to the other side of the waterfall while he tried to drive "through" the waterfall. Crazy right? Ha.. WRONG. We did a quick back of the envelope calculation and figured out that a lighter car would be easier to topple over so we decided to stay put in the car and drive through the waterfall. Whoa!! Was that Einstein running out of his grave?? Anyways, we did get through in one piece but we were completely shaken by the journey. No one spoke a word but we knew that everyone was thinking the same thing... nothing is worth taking such a big risk for.. least of all a pleasure trip.
Then we saw Diban. To be precise we saw the resort that we were to put up in. One look and then we just looked at each other. Everyone was grinning from ear to ear. I only remember thinking that if I had died and woken up in that place I would have taken that to be heaven. It was just that, a slice of heaven tucked away in a God forsaken place. Irony is the divine sense of humor and I have learnt to appreciate it. The resort looked something like a old Mogul era building but the wondrous part was that it was situated on an island. An island formed between two rivers, one river was the Digaru and I forget the name of the other. The striking feature of the rivers was that one was deep blue in color while the other was green and they merged just a few miles in front of the resort and then continued flowing around it. Forests all round and the distinct feeling that the forest was filled with tigers and wolves was just so exciting (Diban is a Tiger reserve). It felt so good to be alive. It was a short and sweet trip for us but one that I will remember for ever. It is funny how the things that leave a lasting impression on you sometimes have such humble beginnings.
He had to stay in Arunachal while we were in Shillong and it was not an ideal scenario. The bright spot in all of this however was that we had our winter vacations in Arunachal. The first few days there were mind numbing for us city folks.. no TV, a small town with absolutely nothing worth talking about, dumb people all around speaking a language we did not understand. That was not a great start to any vacation but we soon settled into a routine. My routine being the following.. wake up, mild exercise , break fast, swinging from rope to pole (yes, I tied a rope to a pole so sue me), lunch, sleep, read a few old comics, play cards, dinner and sleep. Don't get me wrong, I loved to laze around like that but what I hated most was the lack of ANY intellectual stimulation.
My dad had become friends with a few town folks and we decided to go on a picnic once. Its then that I realized that entire Arunachal is just a BIG, BIG picnic spot. You can drive you car through the trees and through dried up river beds and within a couple of hours you will be away from any sign of civilization. The only sounds being the steady rhythm of a sparkling river broken occasionally by the chirping of a bird. The rivers, with water so clear that you could drink it straight without any apprehension, seemed straight out of a poets dream. It was just awesome but the best part was the feeling that this was just the tip of the iceberg... that feeling was justified when we went to a place called Diban.
Diban, a place which was pretty far off from our place and we had to travel via car for quite some time to get there. The motivation for the trip was the trip itself and that beats any other motivation any day. The roads ( where they existed) were horrible and in most places we were just driving around rocky river beds, sand dunes, forests and what not. My family is pretty travel hardened so we endured pretty well and surprisingly even our dog who was the unfortunate passenger in a Maruti Gypsy's rearmost interior remained intact. Then came a bridge which seemed to have been constructed out of twigs.. yes twigs not logs. That's not all, entire sections were missing and there was a raging river some 1000 feet beneath. Hold on.. and there was an over turned truck right down there which looked like it had fallen off the bridge a couple of hours ago AND to top it all there was a sign "CROSS AT YOUR OWN RISK". That bridge was our only way and as the car edged along I remember just looking ahead. No one spoke a word. The car hobbled along. If God was impressed by prayers we would have got the Nobel prize for praying that day. We got off that bridge in one piece.
The next hurdle was a mountain road, just wide enough for a car, no crash barriers and a 1500 feet drop. Unfortunately, that was not the scary part. The scary part was the fact that there was a freaking waterfall gushing straight over the road and it looked powerful enough to jolt the car right down the precipice. Our driver ( who I regard as the only guy on the planet who can give Vin Diesel a run for his money) put the gypsy in the 4 wheel drive mode, asked us to get down and crawl to the other side of the waterfall while he tried to drive "through" the waterfall. Crazy right? Ha.. WRONG. We did a quick back of the envelope calculation and figured out that a lighter car would be easier to topple over so we decided to stay put in the car and drive through the waterfall. Whoa!! Was that Einstein running out of his grave?? Anyways, we did get through in one piece but we were completely shaken by the journey. No one spoke a word but we knew that everyone was thinking the same thing... nothing is worth taking such a big risk for.. least of all a pleasure trip.
Then we saw Diban. To be precise we saw the resort that we were to put up in. One look and then we just looked at each other. Everyone was grinning from ear to ear. I only remember thinking that if I had died and woken up in that place I would have taken that to be heaven. It was just that, a slice of heaven tucked away in a God forsaken place. Irony is the divine sense of humor and I have learnt to appreciate it. The resort looked something like a old Mogul era building but the wondrous part was that it was situated on an island. An island formed between two rivers, one river was the Digaru and I forget the name of the other. The striking feature of the rivers was that one was deep blue in color while the other was green and they merged just a few miles in front of the resort and then continued flowing around it. Forests all round and the distinct feeling that the forest was filled with tigers and wolves was just so exciting (Diban is a Tiger reserve). It felt so good to be alive. It was a short and sweet trip for us but one that I will remember for ever. It is funny how the things that leave a lasting impression on you sometimes have such humble beginnings.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
The Loan Hunter
Oh the woes of getting a home loan as an NRI! After having been through the torturous process of getting a Home loan sanctioned and disbursed, I can now look back at the horrendous roller coaster ride and look at where I went wrong.
The first assumption I made was that if a bank has an "online" application form then the application can actually be processed online. Turns out that this is absolutely not true. The online application is a marketing front designed to lure you into a false sense of hope that its going to be easy. What follows after submission of the Online application is another story.
The second assumption which haunts me till date is the fact that "NRI Services" can actually help you considering the fact that you are out of the country. When the service is "Online" and is for "NRIs" and the bank says that you need to be physically present in INDIA to submit the forms it borders on ridiculousness.
The well distributed architecture of the Bank where each branch is so autonomous that sometimes it does not even feel like you are dealing with two branches of the same bank is just awesome. The home loan is sanctioned somewhere, disbursed somewhere, the property verification is done somewhere and the amendatory document is submitted somewhere else. This seemingly vast expanse of random occurrences do seem to occasionally result in a satisfied customer once in a while. The probability however is extremely low.
The interest rates are well... "interesting". I have a comparatively good deal as of now so I will not whine too much but that was attained after a struggle that can only be compared to what the 300 Spartans had to do to while facing the Persians.
The number of documents required is vast and that is understandable as it is a question of substantial amounts. What I fail to understand is the lack of clarity in stating outright WHAT documents are needed. The iterative process of submitting documents is painful to say the least specially if one is out of the country. It is like, "Sir, you have submitted a billion documents so far and we appreciate it but you also need to submit your Birth Certificate, Power of Attorney and the Galactic Space Shuttle Permit" and all I can say is
" I see, I see, I........???"
The first assumption I made was that if a bank has an "online" application form then the application can actually be processed online. Turns out that this is absolutely not true. The online application is a marketing front designed to lure you into a false sense of hope that its going to be easy. What follows after submission of the Online application is another story.
The second assumption which haunts me till date is the fact that "NRI Services" can actually help you considering the fact that you are out of the country. When the service is "Online" and is for "NRIs" and the bank says that you need to be physically present in INDIA to submit the forms it borders on ridiculousness.
The well distributed architecture of the Bank where each branch is so autonomous that sometimes it does not even feel like you are dealing with two branches of the same bank is just awesome. The home loan is sanctioned somewhere, disbursed somewhere, the property verification is done somewhere and the amendatory document is submitted somewhere else. This seemingly vast expanse of random occurrences do seem to occasionally result in a satisfied customer once in a while. The probability however is extremely low.
The interest rates are well... "interesting". I have a comparatively good deal as of now so I will not whine too much but that was attained after a struggle that can only be compared to what the 300 Spartans had to do to while facing the Persians.
The number of documents required is vast and that is understandable as it is a question of substantial amounts. What I fail to understand is the lack of clarity in stating outright WHAT documents are needed. The iterative process of submitting documents is painful to say the least specially if one is out of the country. It is like, "Sir, you have submitted a billion documents so far and we appreciate it but you also need to submit your Birth Certificate, Power of Attorney and the Galactic Space Shuttle Permit" and all I can say is
" I see, I see, I........???"
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
The Cerebral Osmosis
I have always gone by the notion that no knowledge is trivial. I have a habit of asking question ( too many sometimes!) and I do border on getting on peoples nerves sometimes. The other hazard this entails is that I feel compelled to offer my insights on most problems at hand and thus it has earned me the reputation of being a "fundebaaz". I am still trying to figure out if that's a good thing or a bad one but occasionally I do see some people asking me for advice so I gather I am not a total screw up so far.
This fascination for learning has been a with me for a long long time now. I remember reading a
book called "Tell me Why" while in the 4th grade. That opened up a whole new world for me, a world beyond my syllabus books, a world beyond television and a world which very few people around me knew of. I was hooked on to those books and I started reading more and more. My parents were very encouraging and bought me the other books of the series which cost quite a bit during those days. That childlike curiosity has carried on somehow and even today, I cannot resist learning a hitherto unknown subject. The downside however is that I loose interest very soon and hence find it very difficult to get down to the nitty-gritty details of what ever I may be pursuing. The end result is that I am what you call the "Big Picture" guy. I have sufficient information to connect two discrete hypothesis but can prove neither :-(
The only solace I find is in Quantum Mechanics and Astro physics and I have spent a lot of time on these subjects. I have a mathematical bent of mind so Quantum mechanics does not freak me out but what I love more about these subjects is that they bring me to the edge of human understanding. It gives me the chance to interpret what I see and theorize on what I cannot.
I look at the empty space and think about Zero point energy and what could cause it. If intangible things like space and time can be subject to a very physical thing like mass then can we disregard the premise that an intangible thing like thought can effect the physical world?
The Universe is full of knowledge and the entropy of the Universe is increasing which in turn defines the direction of time. The logarithm of the entropy is what we call information. Does this mean that the accumulation of information by sentient beings effects the entropy of the Universe and hence the flow of time itself, time which in turn controls the rate of assimilation of this information in the first place?
The scientific part of me rejects this hypothesis outright because of its obvious inadequacies and because of its inherent inability to be quantifiable. However, I just have this tinge of suspicion in me that keeps on trying to convince me that there is a bridge between the physical reality and our mental projection of that reality. This suspicion is further re-enforced by observations like what is called the "Measurement problem" in Physics. To put it simply, an electron has a finite probabilty of being in a certain place at a certain time but unless an observer actually "looks" for it, it is impossible to tell where the electron is. Thus it can even be speculated if an electron exists in the first place or if it materializes only when a "measurement" is made. This is similar to the Schrodinger cat experiment as well which leads to a cat being both alive and dead at the same time. The predicament in both cases is due to the fact that the act of making a measurement implies a certain level of interaction with the system and that level of interaction may be enough to alter the system itself.
Once you begin doubting the electron then the world falls apart. I am beginning to wonder if the world we see and the lives we lead are anything but a mathematical model. Every point in life is a branching point in the space time continuum and the choices we make define the reality we encounter. Isint it a fact that happy people tend to lead contended lives, lucky people always tend to be lucky? These are intangible objects and maybe these people are unknowingly projecting their reality as they see it. Its a fascinating notion. It gives us the power to change the world as we see fit. Ohhh! I just may have rationalized the Matrix.
Well easier said than done. There may or may not be a link between conceptual and physical reality but the fact still stands that the Universe has been around for a lot longer than us so we definitely DID NOT imagine it all. There is physical reality and it is undeniable but it is also hard to imagine that the faculty of consciousness is geared for something as inane as survival and pro creation. When one average guy on planet Earth can close his eyes and think about things from Quantum Chromodynamics to Hawking Radiation, it is a victory for human intelligence and perseverance. We are a part of the synchronised framework of the Universe and our physical presence is indescribably miniscule but maybe we are measuring the wrong thing. Any sentient being that can stand up, look at the stars and ask "Who am I?" has more power then they imagine.
This fascination for learning has been a with me for a long long time now. I remember reading a
book called "Tell me Why" while in the 4th grade. That opened up a whole new world for me, a world beyond my syllabus books, a world beyond television and a world which very few people around me knew of. I was hooked on to those books and I started reading more and more. My parents were very encouraging and bought me the other books of the series which cost quite a bit during those days. That childlike curiosity has carried on somehow and even today, I cannot resist learning a hitherto unknown subject. The downside however is that I loose interest very soon and hence find it very difficult to get down to the nitty-gritty details of what ever I may be pursuing. The end result is that I am what you call the "Big Picture" guy. I have sufficient information to connect two discrete hypothesis but can prove neither :-(
The only solace I find is in Quantum Mechanics and Astro physics and I have spent a lot of time on these subjects. I have a mathematical bent of mind so Quantum mechanics does not freak me out but what I love more about these subjects is that they bring me to the edge of human understanding. It gives me the chance to interpret what I see and theorize on what I cannot.
I look at the empty space and think about Zero point energy and what could cause it. If intangible things like space and time can be subject to a very physical thing like mass then can we disregard the premise that an intangible thing like thought can effect the physical world?
The Universe is full of knowledge and the entropy of the Universe is increasing which in turn defines the direction of time. The logarithm of the entropy is what we call information. Does this mean that the accumulation of information by sentient beings effects the entropy of the Universe and hence the flow of time itself, time which in turn controls the rate of assimilation of this information in the first place?
The scientific part of me rejects this hypothesis outright because of its obvious inadequacies and because of its inherent inability to be quantifiable. However, I just have this tinge of suspicion in me that keeps on trying to convince me that there is a bridge between the physical reality and our mental projection of that reality. This suspicion is further re-enforced by observations like what is called the "Measurement problem" in Physics. To put it simply, an electron has a finite probabilty of being in a certain place at a certain time but unless an observer actually "looks" for it, it is impossible to tell where the electron is. Thus it can even be speculated if an electron exists in the first place or if it materializes only when a "measurement" is made. This is similar to the Schrodinger cat experiment as well which leads to a cat being both alive and dead at the same time. The predicament in both cases is due to the fact that the act of making a measurement implies a certain level of interaction with the system and that level of interaction may be enough to alter the system itself.
Once you begin doubting the electron then the world falls apart. I am beginning to wonder if the world we see and the lives we lead are anything but a mathematical model. Every point in life is a branching point in the space time continuum and the choices we make define the reality we encounter. Isint it a fact that happy people tend to lead contended lives, lucky people always tend to be lucky? These are intangible objects and maybe these people are unknowingly projecting their reality as they see it. Its a fascinating notion. It gives us the power to change the world as we see fit. Ohhh! I just may have rationalized the Matrix.
Well easier said than done. There may or may not be a link between conceptual and physical reality but the fact still stands that the Universe has been around for a lot longer than us so we definitely DID NOT imagine it all. There is physical reality and it is undeniable but it is also hard to imagine that the faculty of consciousness is geared for something as inane as survival and pro creation. When one average guy on planet Earth can close his eyes and think about things from Quantum Chromodynamics to Hawking Radiation, it is a victory for human intelligence and perseverance. We are a part of the synchronised framework of the Universe and our physical presence is indescribably miniscule but maybe we are measuring the wrong thing. Any sentient being that can stand up, look at the stars and ask "Who am I?" has more power then they imagine.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Home is where the heart is
After being out of India for more than two years I finally see a glimmer of hope that I will be heading back soon. Dont get me wrong, the stay abroad has been very ahem.. rewarding.. but more than that, it has shaped a lot of my present and my future.
On a personal front, I have made new friends, seen new places, learnt new things and more importantly have found the time to read more on Quantum mechanics.. something which could never find the time for in India.
On the professional front, the job has been great, people have been great and I have nothing but good memories which I gather is a rather fortunate occurence. I love the work culture in the US.. not all aspects but atleast the part about doing the job from 9 -5 sincerely. What I dont like is the taboo around socializing in office ( I dont mean going after females). For us, our social circle extends well into our professional life but not so much here. It has its pros and cons, the plus side of this segregation is increased productivity as no one is spending time in office discussing anything apart from work, the downside.. well the work place is not as "fun". I fancy myself as someone who is usually a quick worker so I think that 8 hours a day is more than enough to do your work as well as catch up with friends.. apparently the girl who chased me out of her cubicle thought otherwise :-)
All in all, India is awesome, the heat, the dust and the general "chalta hai" attitude. Well thats how I like it and I cant wait to be back and be a part of it all. Besides, I bought a flat recently and never in my life have I appreciated money like I do now. Its amazing how much blood you need to burn to get a roof over your head.. well hope its gonna be worth it.
Home is truly where the heart or the bank loan is :-)
On a personal front, I have made new friends, seen new places, learnt new things and more importantly have found the time to read more on Quantum mechanics.. something which could never find the time for in India.
On the professional front, the job has been great, people have been great and I have nothing but good memories which I gather is a rather fortunate occurence. I love the work culture in the US.. not all aspects but atleast the part about doing the job from 9 -5 sincerely. What I dont like is the taboo around socializing in office ( I dont mean going after females). For us, our social circle extends well into our professional life but not so much here. It has its pros and cons, the plus side of this segregation is increased productivity as no one is spending time in office discussing anything apart from work, the downside.. well the work place is not as "fun". I fancy myself as someone who is usually a quick worker so I think that 8 hours a day is more than enough to do your work as well as catch up with friends.. apparently the girl who chased me out of her cubicle thought otherwise :-)
All in all, India is awesome, the heat, the dust and the general "chalta hai" attitude. Well thats how I like it and I cant wait to be back and be a part of it all. Besides, I bought a flat recently and never in my life have I appreciated money like I do now. Its amazing how much blood you need to burn to get a roof over your head.. well hope its gonna be worth it.
Home is truly where the heart or the bank loan is :-)
Friday, April 24, 2009
Eagles eye view
Wow! Its been a while since I have penned down my thoughts. Probably because I havent "really" had any thoughts. Of late life has been just a roller coaster ride.. its been fun but hardly the kind of ride where you get to appreciate anything but the speed and the twists and turns.
My initial thought was to pen down the highlights of the past two years but the more I think about it the more pointless it seems. Which brings me to a more important question..
Is there a level of abstraction of looking at life that can make even living itself seem trivial?
The more life is looked at with a microscope the rougher it seems. People say that one should learn to laugh at oneself. People also say that learn to forgive. What is the common theme behind these age old tenets? Isint it the fact that they preach abstraction. If one can look at ones life from a vantage point seperating the event from the subject and the perpetrator then would the world be a better place to live it?
For instance, if someone pours a bucket of water on you when you are sleeping. You are bound to be angry. Why? Because YOU have been woken up, YOU are cold, YOU are wet and hence YOU are angry. Watching the same chain of events unfold for a stranger on television would elicit anything but anger.. strange isint it? Just seperating the event from the subject (YOU) turns a potential conflict into a script from a comedy flick. The pertinent question is how high can this level of abstraction go. Global warming, pollution, threat of nuclear holocaust.. on a tiny planet planet populated by simple minded savages.. a planet which rotates around an insignificant star in an insignificant corner of a galaxy.. a galaxy which is one of the billons probably teeming with life.
Does this mean that all our worries, pains, strive for perfection, our affections, our afflications are all inconsequential in the larger scheme of things? Maybe they are. However, if everyone stops reacting then we will have world peace but would this be a world worth saving? Do I have a point to make? Yes I do and it has all to do with salt.
Salt! I like a bit more on my food but many dont. What has that got to do with world peace you may ask.. well the point is that there is a level of abstraction for everyone. It is not a global standard that can be defined. Even the best cooks cant estimate MY need for salt can they!
The fact is that the more you distance yourself from the nitty gritty details of life, the happier you will be but what level of distance you maintain has to be your decision alone. Once your BP hits the roof you know its time to move to the next level of abstraction.
My initial thought was to pen down the highlights of the past two years but the more I think about it the more pointless it seems. Which brings me to a more important question..
Is there a level of abstraction of looking at life that can make even living itself seem trivial?
The more life is looked at with a microscope the rougher it seems. People say that one should learn to laugh at oneself. People also say that learn to forgive. What is the common theme behind these age old tenets? Isint it the fact that they preach abstraction. If one can look at ones life from a vantage point seperating the event from the subject and the perpetrator then would the world be a better place to live it?
For instance, if someone pours a bucket of water on you when you are sleeping. You are bound to be angry. Why? Because YOU have been woken up, YOU are cold, YOU are wet and hence YOU are angry. Watching the same chain of events unfold for a stranger on television would elicit anything but anger.. strange isint it? Just seperating the event from the subject (YOU) turns a potential conflict into a script from a comedy flick. The pertinent question is how high can this level of abstraction go. Global warming, pollution, threat of nuclear holocaust.. on a tiny planet planet populated by simple minded savages.. a planet which rotates around an insignificant star in an insignificant corner of a galaxy.. a galaxy which is one of the billons probably teeming with life.
Does this mean that all our worries, pains, strive for perfection, our affections, our afflications are all inconsequential in the larger scheme of things? Maybe they are. However, if everyone stops reacting then we will have world peace but would this be a world worth saving? Do I have a point to make? Yes I do and it has all to do with salt.
Salt! I like a bit more on my food but many dont. What has that got to do with world peace you may ask.. well the point is that there is a level of abstraction for everyone. It is not a global standard that can be defined. Even the best cooks cant estimate MY need for salt can they!
The fact is that the more you distance yourself from the nitty gritty details of life, the happier you will be but what level of distance you maintain has to be your decision alone. Once your BP hits the roof you know its time to move to the next level of abstraction.
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