Laws of Office - Newtonian

After years of observation and painstaking research (yeah right! :-) ) I have developed a few basic tenets that seem to outline the structure of the "official" universe. Please note that this is still under research and any resemblance to fact, logic or actual characters will be miraculous.
A) Laws of pro-motion

1) Every employee at rest remains at rest unless acted upon by an external manager.

2) The rate of promotion is directly proportional to the product of the employee’s productivity and his luck factor

Rp=P*L

Now productivity can also defined as the rate of change of effort.

Rp = dE/dt *L

Luck basically determines the magnitude of return for a given effort and can be accurately modeled as a stochastic process. The sheer magnitude of the number of factors affecting luck brings into context the application of the Central Limit theorem thus necessitating that Luck follow a Gaussian(Normal) distribution.

Hence,

L(t) = 1/√2п *е ^-1/2t2 where L(t) = luck at time t

Thus

Rp = dE * L(t)/dt

= 1/√2п*dE*(-t) е ^-1/2t2

=(-1)* 1/√2п*dE*(t) е ^-1/2t2

The overall negative sign and the linear as well as exponential relation to time clearly

shows that the Rate of promotion will decrease over time irrespective of the amount of Effort put in.

3) Every promotion has an equal and opposite reaction.

The reaction here can be quantified as a linear superposition of the rate of loss of hair and rate of increase of hypertension.

B) Laws of Info-dynamics

1) If all developers are in equilibrium with each other then no one is working.

2) Stupidity can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only be transformed from VB to Java.

3) The utility of a program will increase with its inefficiency.

4) At absolute zero, the entropy of a system approaches a constant minimum but a programmer can still code if the deadline is near.

C) Law of Timepass-ation

Two employees of social aptitudes S₁ and S₂ waste each others time by a factor that is proportional to the product of their social aptitudes and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them.

Thus, Time wasted (Tw) is given by

Tw ∝ S₁S₂/R²

Tw = βS₁S₂/R²

Social aptitude is a complex variable and can be expressed as a partial derivative of appearance, presentation and personality. Thus two sociable employees in close proximity can lead to an exponential increase in Tw. My initial hypothesis about the proportionality constant was that this constant (β- Beta) was dependent on the following formula

β = 2пe^{(1 - G1*G2)} where G1 and G2 are gender codes where

G1 = male = 1 and G2 = female = -1

Thus,

β = 2пe² for a male/female interaction and

β= 2п for a male/male or female/female interaction

However, nowadays I am not sure if this formula holds good in all cases :-).

Thus the final formula is

Tw = 2пe^{(1 - G1*G2)}S₁S₂/R²

I am currently working on the quantum mechanical and relativist aspects of this interesting branch of science. Will keep you all posted! :-)