Bangalore - The second most affluent city in India, a city that millions call home and a subset of those millions also call it an obstacle course.
The Government of India has stipulated that a Drivers License obtained anywhere in India has national validity. I beg to differ. A DL just says that you "may" legally be allowed to drive. The roads in Bangalore begs the question.... CAN you drive..PUNK? (Read this out aloud imagining yourself to be possessed by Nana Patekar to get the drift)
In order survive the daily ordeal, here are a few tips that can help you keep a check on your sanity.
The Mental Preparation:
As any good Bangalorean will tell you, the brain is the most important organ in the human body...on weekdays. On weekends, the kidneys/liver and lungs call the shots. However, I digress, a day of office commute should begin with a deep breath and empty bowels. Watching inspirational and motivational videos is a good start but if you are pressed for time then try convincing yourself that you love driving.Over a period of time you may be able to actually convince yourself that you like driving, this is a variation of self hypnotic therapy and is useful in some cases.
The Physical Preparation:
Eat a healthy breakfast, go light on fluids (unless you are carrying adult diapers). Light stretching focusing on the calf muscles, triceps and wrists is essential. As always, try doing the exercises in sets and with a predefined rhythm. I have personally found that repeating the phrase "Clutch, Gear, Brake" repeatedly while working out is a healthy outlet and helps in both
a) Mental Preparation
b) Physical Preparation
and is a mantra that you can repeat as often as you like during the drive
The Car:
Whether you have Reva or a BMW, you need to forget that your car has anything beyond 1st and 2nd gear. I have heard rumors of roads where the courageous have shifted to 3rd but there are no confirmed reports. Always ensure that you are not low on fuel and stock you car with supplies like you would if you knew that a zombie attack was imminent. Know how to work the controls, with one hand/foot, simultaneously..and yes, I mean the brakes too. Your other appendages can then productively be engaged in fiddling with your smart phone. Get a seat with Lumbar Support. I have heard that the Cab drivers here have a seat that has a protruding spike placed below the posterior which juts out at random times. It is supposed to improve your driving skill but has the undesirable side effect of causing rapid accelerations, sudden brakes and wild turns.
The Road:
Ha ha..got you!! What road?
The Potholes:
At first glance you may mistakenly assume that you drove out of your apartment and landed on the surface of the moon and start postulating on whether it was a wormhole or a manhole that got you there but not so fast. These potholes are a major tourist attraction and there are actually major roads that have been named after the potholes. 80ft road and 100ft road are such roads where the depth of the pot holes are 80ft and 100ft respectively. Some "outsiders" think that the names allude to the width of the roads...such ignorance!! These potholes have numerous advantages
1) The water accumulated in these potholes percolates and replenishes the ground water level
2) They act as well designed speed breakers.They are guaranteed to break more than your speed and are regarded as engineering marvels.
3) They keep drivers constantly on alert and many have actually reported that so keen is their focus on the potholes that they do not look at road signs or landmarks.The potholes are like playing a game of connect the dots. It takes out the monotony of driving.
Above all, be positive, your car has a Power steering and Disc Brakes for a reason, use them. To be a successful car driver in Namma Bengaluru you need to lose the fear, lose the fear of death,disability and car repairs and you shall prevail.
So repeat after me Clutch, Gear , Brake.. Clutch , Gear, Brake............Accel..BRAKE!!!!
The Government of India has stipulated that a Drivers License obtained anywhere in India has national validity. I beg to differ. A DL just says that you "may" legally be allowed to drive. The roads in Bangalore begs the question.... CAN you drive..PUNK? (Read this out aloud imagining yourself to be possessed by Nana Patekar to get the drift)
In order survive the daily ordeal, here are a few tips that can help you keep a check on your sanity.
The Mental Preparation:
As any good Bangalorean will tell you, the brain is the most important organ in the human body...on weekdays. On weekends, the kidneys/liver and lungs call the shots. However, I digress, a day of office commute should begin with a deep breath and empty bowels. Watching inspirational and motivational videos is a good start but if you are pressed for time then try convincing yourself that you love driving.Over a period of time you may be able to actually convince yourself that you like driving, this is a variation of self hypnotic therapy and is useful in some cases.
The Physical Preparation:
Eat a healthy breakfast, go light on fluids (unless you are carrying adult diapers). Light stretching focusing on the calf muscles, triceps and wrists is essential. As always, try doing the exercises in sets and with a predefined rhythm. I have personally found that repeating the phrase "Clutch, Gear, Brake" repeatedly while working out is a healthy outlet and helps in both
a) Mental Preparation
b) Physical Preparation
and is a mantra that you can repeat as often as you like during the drive
The Car:
Whether you have Reva or a BMW, you need to forget that your car has anything beyond 1st and 2nd gear. I have heard rumors of roads where the courageous have shifted to 3rd but there are no confirmed reports. Always ensure that you are not low on fuel and stock you car with supplies like you would if you knew that a zombie attack was imminent. Know how to work the controls, with one hand/foot, simultaneously..and yes, I mean the brakes too. Your other appendages can then productively be engaged in fiddling with your smart phone. Get a seat with Lumbar Support. I have heard that the Cab drivers here have a seat that has a protruding spike placed below the posterior which juts out at random times. It is supposed to improve your driving skill but has the undesirable side effect of causing rapid accelerations, sudden brakes and wild turns.
The Road:
Ha ha..got you!! What road?
The Potholes:
At first glance you may mistakenly assume that you drove out of your apartment and landed on the surface of the moon and start postulating on whether it was a wormhole or a manhole that got you there but not so fast. These potholes are a major tourist attraction and there are actually major roads that have been named after the potholes. 80ft road and 100ft road are such roads where the depth of the pot holes are 80ft and 100ft respectively. Some "outsiders" think that the names allude to the width of the roads...such ignorance!! These potholes have numerous advantages
1) The water accumulated in these potholes percolates and replenishes the ground water level
2) They act as well designed speed breakers.They are guaranteed to break more than your speed and are regarded as engineering marvels.
3) They keep drivers constantly on alert and many have actually reported that so keen is their focus on the potholes that they do not look at road signs or landmarks.The potholes are like playing a game of connect the dots. It takes out the monotony of driving.
Above all, be positive, your car has a Power steering and Disc Brakes for a reason, use them. To be a successful car driver in Namma Bengaluru you need to lose the fear, lose the fear of death,disability and car repairs and you shall prevail.
So repeat after me Clutch, Gear , Brake.. Clutch , Gear, Brake............Accel..BRAKE!!!!
1 comment:
Ha ha good one..everybody's everyday tale
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